A Letter: The Burnt-Out Mom
Hey there beautiful,
How are you doing today? Are you trying to hang in there? Does everything seem to be pushing your buttons lately? Has anyone asked how you were doing? If they have, let me guess, you answered “I’m Fine”, knowing deep down inside you are not fine. I get it, I fall victim to the response of “I’m Fine” all the time, I probably say it on a average of 4 times a week. But lets be real, we are not fine.
Let’s face it, we quickly say, “I’m Fine” to avoid the feeling of feeling guilty of not having it all together. We feel guilty because we live a society where women are looked at as always supposed to be “strong”, but sometimes we are not.
Motherhood is a job that comes with high sand lows, laughter and crying, joy and anger. All of these emotions can get pretty overwhelming after a while, sort of like a jack-in-a-box, it keeps turning until it POPS. Have you ever snapped at your husband and/or kids and then had to ask yourself why did I do that? What about being so tired that you let your kids and husband fend for themselves? Or have you ever had that feeling when you just can’t come up for air? Or what about the times when you are ready to just walk out the door and go far away…
Yep, your burnt-out girl!
I believe EVERY mother has experienced a period in motherhood when they are burnt-out and have that feeling of nothing else to give. We simply just need a break. I know, the thought has crossed through your mind, a break?
And I get it, how could us as mothers need a break from our families. We are the ones who are supposed to be the nurturers, the consolers, the one who takes care of the household for the family, the one who everyone can run to for love and support. So, when I say break I don’t mean a vacation where I’m on a island sipping Pina coladas; I mean a break for a few hours where my mind is focused on me and that the things that make me happy. Going to a coffee shop and reading a book, taking a hot bubble bath with some wine and candles, joining that exercise class, taking up a new hobby, going to see that sappy love movie at the theatre, or even going to have lunch by yourself. You know, just a few hours when you can feel like yourself again, a few hours when you can catch a breath of fresh air.
For me, I can honestly say I am “afraid” of giving myself breaks, solely because I fear that once I leave my house, all hell will break loose and once I return I will have more work that would need to be done. However, I am learning that we as moms do NEED breaks, in order to provide our family with the proper love. Without those mental breaks, we are no good to not only our husband and kids, but also to ourselves. Without those breaks I can’t be the attentive mother I need to be for my kids. Without those breaks I put my marriage with my husband on the back burner. Without those breaks I tend to forget things around the house.
I’ve read articles, which stated that the mom is the tone of the house, if mom is crabby, the rest of the house will follow suit and be crabby as well. Lucile Ball said it perfectly, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” We as moms, have to be comfortable with taking/demanding our breaks. So, what do you do? If you are married, talk it over with your spouse and explain how you need this time and what it means to you. Or find a friend who has kids and is going through the same thing and work a plan out to have play dates so each of you can catch a breath of fresh air. Hire a babysitter. Or find a local moms group that you can join. Whatever you have to do get your break girl, do it… you not only need it, you deserve it!
– XOXO Kahla Jas.