A Letter: The Burnt-Out Mom

Hey there beautiful,

How are you doing today? Are you trying to hang in there? Does everything seem to be pushing your buttons lately? Has anyone asked how you were doing? If they have, let me guess, you answered “I’m Fine”, knowing deep down inside you are not fine. I get it, I fall victim to the response of “I’m Fine” all the time, I probably say it on a average of 4 times a week. But lets be real, we are not fine.

Let’s face it, we quickly say, “I’m Fine” to avoid the feeling of feeling guilty of not having it all together. We feel guilty because we live a society where women are looked at as always supposed to be “strong”, but sometimes we are not.

Motherhood is a job that comes with high sand lows, laughter and crying, joy and anger. All of these emotions can get pretty overwhelming after a while, sort of like a jack-in-a-box, it keeps turning until it POPS. Have you ever snapped at your husband and/or kids and then had to ask yourself why did I do that? What about being so tired that you let your kids and husband fend for themselves? Or have you ever had that feeling when you just can’t come up for air? Or what about the times when you are ready to just walk out the door and go far away…

Yep, your burnt-out girl!

I believe EVERY mother has experienced a period in motherhood when they are burnt-out and have that feeling of nothing else to give. We simply just need a break. I know, the thought has crossed through your mind, a break?

And I get it, how could us as mothers need a break from our families. We are the ones who are supposed to be the nurturers, the consolers, the one who takes care of the household for the family, the one who everyone can run to for love and support. So, when I say break I don’t mean a vacation where I’m on a island sipping Pina coladas; I mean a break for a few hours where my mind is focused on me and that the things that make me happy. Going to a coffee shop and reading a book, taking a hot bubble bath with some wine and candles, joining that exercise class, taking up a new hobby, going to see that sappy love movie at the theatre, or even going to have lunch by yourself. You know, just a few hours when you can feel like yourself again, a few hours when you can catch a breath of fresh air.

For me, I can honestly say I am “afraid” of giving myself breaks, solely because I fear that once I leave my house, all hell will break loose and once I return I will have more work that would need to be done. However, I am learning that we as moms do NEED breaks, in order to provide our family with the proper love. Without those mental breaks, we are no good to not only our husband and kids, but also to ourselves. Without those breaks I can’t be the attentive mother I need to be for my kids. Without those breaks I put my marriage with my husband on the back burner. Without those breaks I tend to forget things around the house.

I’ve read articles, which stated that the mom is the tone of the house, if mom is crabby, the rest of the house will follow suit and be crabby as well. Lucile Ball said it perfectly, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” We as moms, have to be comfortable with taking/demanding our breaks. So, what do you do? If you are married, talk it over with your spouse and explain how you need this time and what it means to you. Or find a friend who has kids and is going through the same thing and work a plan out to have play dates so each of you can catch a breath of fresh air. Hire a babysitter. Or find a local moms group that you can join. Whatever you have to do get your break girl, do it… you not only need it, you deserve it!

– XOXO Kahla Jas.

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20 Before 2020!

Can you believe that we are already 4 months into 2019? Crazy right? Well I know the beginning of the year is when people usually make their goal list, but I’m a little behind and I don’t see the harm in creating a goal list whenever! Now I’m gonna be honest, I suck at sticking to goal, but I also know that creating goals gives you something to strive for and challenges you to be your best. Instead of making outrageous goals that I know I wouldn’t probably achieve, I decided to focus on goals that I know are more realistic. So here go my 20 goals I plan to achieve by 2020:

1.Meal prep every Sunday
I’m gonna be honest, (and yes, I’m going to whine) meal prepping is not a fun activity for me. The whole, cooking 3-4 meals for the week in one day, is absolutely stressful for me, HOWEVER I would rather that one stressful day over the stress of cooking everyday after work. Between being tired from working all day, then doing homework with the girls and bath time, cooking is the last thing I want to do, but with meal prepping I eliminate that added stressor. And to be truthful I find that when I meal prep, the meals are healthy, instead of hot dogs, chicken nuggets and fish sticks for dinner.

2.Eat out less (hence, if I achieve #1 this one will be quite easy)
Also a reason for goal #1! While I do enjoy eating out, I do not like the cost. Have you ever looked at your bank statements for the month? Ha, well I did this and couldn’t believe how much our family had eaten out. From grabbing breakfast on the way to the office, or going out for lunch because I was too lazy to pack a lunch, or those nights when I refuse to cook so we go out for dinner, or even those last minute cravings. IT RIDICULOUS! All the money we spend on eating out could be used for something more meaningful or put in our savings account. WE GOTS TO DO BETTER!

3.Say yes to new experience (Step outside your comfort zone girl!)
Ok, so its not like I say no to everything, its just that I shy away from anything that I’m not used to. For example, I came across an event that promoted self-care for women, I really wanted to go to this event, but I never signed up for it, because I would’ve had to go by myself (friends and family were busy). Instead of telling myself,” Yes, Kahla go ahead and go, meet new people, get the information that will be provided.” I said, “No, you cant go by yourself, people will look at you as a loner.” I want to get over this fear of trying new experiences, and start living life!

4.Treat myself to a spa day
Self-care, self-care, self-care! I can not stress how important self-care is! In the past I struggled with this, but I have come to realize that it is a necessity. I have always been one to take of everyone around me and put myself last. If I am not A1 then everything around me will fail, including my relationship with my husband and kids and also my performance at work. The last I got a massage was over 5 years ago, and I LOVED IT!

5.Workout at least 3x a week (I’m trying to look like a snack, not like I ate all the snacks, “INSERT CARDI B” : OKkKUURR!)
I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with exercise. It’s not that I don’t like it, I don’t like having to wait for results. I’m one of those people who are like, ok I’ve worked for a week, I should be looking like Beyoncé by now. In the past, I had a workout regimen and I know it takes at least 4 weeks to see a change, but once I reach my goals, I stop, and then gain all the weight back. For the remainder of the year I want to focus on remaining consistent with going to the gym.

6.Revamp my wardrobe (MUCH NEEDED)
Ok, so like I mentioned in goal #4, I will put myself last in everything. As far as my wardrobe, my family and friends will tell you that I will wear some shoes and clothes until they have holes in them, and not the small snag holes, I mean large visible holes. It’s so frustrating to me when my husband and I have a night to ourselves and I’m standing in my closet and I have absolutely nothing to wear. I promised myself that I would work on refreshing my closet with new clothes, and throw out items that are ruined and no longer fit.

7.Read 6 motivational books
Like they say, reading is fundamental, and really it is. There are all kinds of books I can read, however I want to focus on motivational books. I mean who doesn’t want to achieve greatness? Reading motivational books, makes you want to go out and conquer the world, which I want to do!

8.Drink more water (Put the wine down girl and drank that water!)
Water, ECK! I have a very hard time drinking water, especially the amount that is recommended daily! This goal is major for me and I know water is the healthiest drink out there, but its sooo plain and boring lol. But, I’m going to change that! I’ve been researching some recipes for infused waters that I can’t wait to try.

9.Put more $ in savings (CHA-CHING)
Now, I believe this should be a personal goal for everyone, but I know how hard it is to save, TRUST ME I DO! With kids you never know when something unexpected might happen, so it’s always best to have some money set aside. My issue is actually moving the money over to my savings account. I plan on looking into apps like Digit, that helps save money without even thinking about it.

10.Curse less
Hmmm I think this one is self-explainable.

11.Improve Self-Esteem (We are our biggest enemy & majority of the time to hard on ourselves. You are the sh*t girl, OWN IT)
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always looked down on myself. When going out with friends I’ve always felt less than. And in today’s society its very easy to feel les than, especially with the impact of social media. We often compare ourselves to what we see. Instead of being down and out about myself, I want to focus on creating a positive outlook and believe that I AM ENOUGH, and that I am a total BADASS!

12.Call family more often
Between everything we have going on, it’s understandable that we get busy. Sometimes I realize that I haven’t talked to certain family members in months. And yes, the phone works both ways but why wait on them. Everyone likes to be checked on, even if it’s a quick 5-minute phone call.
13. Spend more quality time with hubby
Now who doesn’t love spending time with their significant other? With kids, work, and ALLLL the other crazy things life throws at us, it can be difficult to get that time in. Quality, alone time is definitely needed, whether it’s a romantic dinner, board game, cuddle on the couch for a movie, or even a engaging conversation.

14.Travel to a 3 new cities
I love to travel and basically a necessity for me! Whether it’s with the kids or just hubby and I, its needed. Traveling provides with a break from day-to-day responsibilities. It allows me to take a break and get a fresh breath of air.

15.Pray more (Without God, nothing is possible)
While I do pray every night, I want to star

16.Create a routine hair care regimen
Hair… something I hate doing. And with two girls, I hate it even more. The washing, and drying and styling… AAAHHH it’s too much for me to handle and I get easily frustrated when I have to do it. I hate to admit it but if I could stretch a hair-washing day for three weeks, I will (I know, horrible right) I dread hair day but I’ve got to do better!

17.Commit to Kahla Jas. at least 10 hours a week
My goal is have a very successful blog that can inspire other moms to life their best lives and that they too are important. But without hard work and dedication, I wont ever achieve that goal. With juggling everything for my family, I plan on committing all of my extra time to writing, creating and branding.

18.Spend less time on social media
While social media is entertaining its also a distraction. Before I know it I’ve been scrolling for 30 minutes looking at other peoples lives instead of investing in my own.

19.Be patient with myself and others
Like I mentioned above, I’m one of those people who anticipate results fast. But I need to learn that everything will come together at the right time and not to worry or rush certain things in my life.

20.LOVE MYSELF MORE! Which is actually my mantra for this year!(No one will EVER love you as much as you)
This is a MAJOR one for me! And damn it I mean it! I have to learn to love myself more and not be so judgmental towards myself. If I cant love me, then how do I expect for anyone around me to?

– XOXO Kahla Jas.

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